the great physician

it's all romantic to think of god as the great physician - that is, until he starts performing surgery on your life.

there is no question about it, surgery sucks. it's painful, you bleed, and parts of your life that were once there are now missing.

but then one day you wake up and realize, you ARE the new, better you. healthier, happier. but damn, what you had to go through!

we like to pretend it's all pretty & nice, what god does in our lives. like we should enjoy being refined in the fire (ohhhhhh, 3rd degree burns) or herded by the shepherd (not sure i'd like a crooked staff around my neck), or being treated by the great physician (ouch).

in fact, my very favorite bible text talks about god leading us by ways we know not, through the dark when we are blind (god as a seeing eye dog?). that's not pretty & nice either. that's just scary.

this all reminds me of the girl who preached at my church (which i didn't hear, but was recounted to me). she talked of the many sides of god, because we need many sides of god. that's for sure. don't try to talk to me about god being my father. let's go for the good shepherd, maybe.
anyhow, back to topic...somehow i finally woke up and realized god is a god of reality, not of fantasies. and dreams coming true is a product of blood, sweat, and tears - and sometimes our very lives. there's nothing sweet & nice about that.

my only consolation is that god has the end in sight with this surgery stuff, and that is a happy lyn (to be completely selfish about this application) that other people want to be in heaven with. becoming more christ-like means learning to live with people forever, and that also means learning to live with them NOW, and yourself too.

my other only consolation is that, since god has now done what i've asked, even better than i thought, i know i picked a good physician...