the artist formerly known as violynist

in his surgerical plans, god apparently has different things in mind than i do.

he's apparently decided (or allowed it to happen) that i should no longer be a violinist.

communication of this event comes in the form of shooting pains down my neck, not only all day, but at 2 a.m. 2 days later, culminating in the worst excruciating pain i have ever felt after playing. this, after only playing one 5-minute piece, a jewish lament, sung on the way into the gas chambers. beautiful, haunting.

[there's no segue here to illustrate how shallow my tirade suddenly seems. just for the record, i notice this.]

so i today had to cancel my rare and upcoming playing appointments. which sucks, because when musicians ask you to play, you know you're good. that's the only form of good i'm stuck with.

it is time to acknowledge my days of playing the violin are over for good. oh, yes, there's that good too. damn.

i'm devastated.

somewhat like thinking one will never have children, a probability which i will also have to face in the next couple years.

sometimes life sucks.

this surgery thing, is all whack. sure, god, i say, violin has been the greatest stressor in my life. ever. but i didn't ask you to remove it too, when i signed up for this change my life thing.

somewhere, god is chuckling. not at me not playing the violin anymore, but at my shock & awe that, when he does exactly what i ask - lower the stress in my life - i don't particularly like the interpretation.

oh well. thank goodness i have tango. i would say thank god, but since he's supposed to hate dancing, i'll let him off the hook...